I don’t think this change happened since I became a mom, or even since I’ve known I was pregnant. It’s been a long time coming. But I used to have a “boss babe,” busy is better, do it all, be it all, have it all mentality. I think in the last two years or so, I’ve had a huge mental shift toward the exact opposite. I sympathize much more with the “your work is not your worth” point of view. Before I was even planning on having Annie, I was just starting to feel much more maternal and calm. But it was very confusing. Sometimes, it still is. When I’m at home with Annie, basically just feeding and changing diapers around the clock, I struggle with feeling like I’m less than. I don’t think of raising my child as work, but it most definitely is. The only thing that really feels like working is going to work – writing content, taking pictures of new arrivals, updating the website, answering emails, running shows.
I’d say the number one thing that is different is that I have a new sense of purpose and my priorities are rearranged. That’s a total cliche, but they’re cliches for a reason. When I wake up in the morning, she is the first thing that needs to be tended to. She comes before everything else.
I’ve finally gotten back into a postpartum workout routine, and I’m enjoying it so much more than I thought I would. I used to really hate working out. I could occasionally be bothered to go to a kickboxing class with friends, but other than that, I avoided anything but yoga at all costs. I missed moving my body so much during these last few weeks that I really look forward to working out now.
I asked everyone on my Instagram stories to recommend programs or videos to help get me back into working out, and I tried almost every one that was recommended. Some of them were a little too intensive for someone who’s just getting back into fitness postpartum, but I loved the Studio Tone It Up workouts so far! You can really pick and choose what works for you, whether it’s a quick ten minute routine before you leave the house or a sweaty forty minute workout. I don’t often do the live classes because I just have to jump into a video when I have the time rather than scheduling it beforehand.
Chatting! This is such a fun stage. She’s so expressive all the time. In the mornings, she’s so excited to see us. We all sit in bed for a few minutes and she just smiles and laughs at everything we do.
She’s the chattiest in the afternoon. I read somewhere that she’s engaging in “protoconversations,” mocking the noises that we make when we’re talking to each other because she wants to be engaged in the same way. It’s so cool. We can ask her questions and when we stop talking, she’ll make a noise or kick her legs to respond. Her little brain is hard at work trying to copy every expression and sound we make. You can see her wheels turning all the time.
This has been kind of a strange time in our lives – we’ve had to go to two funerals or wakes in the last couple of weeks. Having her there was such a great reminder that as one life leaves this Earth, another is born. I’m so lucky to be her mama, to get to watch her grow up and become a strong, capable woman. She’s got big things ahead of her!
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